What I wrote To Myself One Night.

September 23, 2011 at 7:40 pm (Uncategorized)


It is deemed irrational, indeed outré, to record one’s thoughts in the state called ‘extreme sadness’.

I have just woken up from maybe 13 hours of sleeping through the day and through the evening. My family may go to bed in around 2 hours, leaving me alone, to go to some other realm; the realm I just came from.

Why is it that a person is naturally repulsed after sleeping through the day and night? What induces a person to do such a thing anyway? Why does a person feel almost unreal when awake? And miserable and vexed at oneself?

I have often loved sleeping in those days when I would have beautiful dreams of fond times to come (God Willing) and times that have gone…

But tonight, I feel lonely and dejected. And foolish- foolish for writing how I feel; I have often thought that one’s feelings and notions become firmly rooted within themselves when they finally share it with someone else. So if I had a fancy one hour that the colour black is cheerful, even though I half-doubted it the same instance, and I tell someone else ‘the colour black is cheerful to me’, I suddenly find that it is cheerful to me indeed.

Which makes me feel a renewed sort of depression and self-worthlessness.

This is the time to turn to Allah.

 

 

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