Wednesday, 10th October 2007-Trafficalicious Definition Make Them Cars Go Cuckoo.

August 12, 2011 at 9:38 pm (Uncategorized)


Vroom, vroom! I admit theUnited Arab Emirates rocks. But just like any other place on the Atlas, it has its pros and cons. I am usually very pessimistic, so why give up the habit? I’m going to waste this space whining about one of the cons of living in the UAE.

THE TRAFFIC IS LETHAL!

Literally and figuratively.

Not only are the roads jam-packed, you’ll also find that the ‘drivers’ here aren’t really driving. A foreigner might think- the drivers could be forcing their cars to follow some kind of wild African dance, or maybe they’re in a hurry to get to the loo, OR MAYBE– the officials in charge of giving them their driving license were possessed (or bribed) at the time.

Maybe.

Chauvinistic men here blame it on the women. Old geezers blame on the youngsters. People who own big cars blame it on those who own small cars. People who drive fast blame it on people who drive too slowly. Or vice versa- take your pick!

It takes ages to get from one place to another and the situation’s so bad- IT’S COST ME MY SOCIAL LIFE! When I used to go to school, my friends inDubaiwould talk about how cool their parties were (which I so conveniently couldn’t attend as I live in Sharjah) and how they met up with these awesome people, and etc, etc. I’d see pictures uploaded on Facebook of hang-outs I couldn’t go to, and the works. I’ve mutated into one fat (since I’m at home 24/7), jealous girl.

The way my dad drives can be compared to the stuff that goes on in your stomach after eating a particularly vile piece of stale cheese or something. He brakes and accelerates, brakes and accelerates. Then he speeds around the round-abouts so that you’re thrown off balance and so that you ram your face into the car window opposite.

Then he turns his head towards you and flashes you his pearly-whites (yellows).

Mum, on the other hand, drives slowly. The best word to describe her when she’s driving is ‘neurotic’. Especially when she’s dropping me to my board exams. If a car tries to overtake her, she starts cussing at the driver and concentrates on ways to destroy his/her car without denting hers.

Even though my brother’s twenty and ready to drive with his license, my parents HARDLY EVER let him drive because of the dangerous traffic. He stays at home like a nice, little mommy’s boy or takes the bus to his university.

You could conclude with the opinion that my family is twisted. I suggest you don’t do that yet.

Because there are crazier drivers than my parents… (believe that?)

While my mum was driving my younger sister Sarah back home from school, she made a new acquaintance.

A car occupied by a woman with blonde highlights and rouged cheeks tried to overtake my mother’s car.

‘CERTAINLY NOT! No one’s going to overtake MY car!’

‘Mum, just let her’.

‘As if I will. Didn’t you see the filthy way she tried to overtake two other cars who refused to give her way? Everyone’s honking!’

My mum was defiant. The lady was EQUALLY defiant, if not more. She honked at mum again and again and HAD THE NERVE to tap her red talons on our car window, causing a bewildered Sarah to gape at her; her mouth ajar. This, while the woman’s son in the same car (who was about Sarah’s age) buried his face in his hands.

The woman with the dreadful highlights screamed (with an equally high-pitched voice) from her open car window in Arabic to move the hell away. She reached from her open window and banged on our closed window. Bangs, honks, yells from the drivers behind as her car remained stationary right in the middle of the highway.

That was when my mum took out her N-71 and went ‘SNAP!’

The woman’s eyes bulged. She sped off on another lane, leaving my mum and Sarah with splits in their sides. For the first time on the road, my mum laughed heartily.

I told you the UAE has it’s major cons. One, as I’ve told you before- dreadful traffic.

Two, as you’ve probably figured out- crazy people.

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