Tuesday, 23 September 2008- To Eat Or Not To Eat.

July 31, 2011 at 9:18 am (Uncategorized)

Scene and setting: The Orthodontic Room. Need I describe more? (I’m sure you already shivered and wiped the sweat off your head like I was aiming for).

My orthodontist gave me some suspicious strings.

Scene and setting: Peshawar, Pakistan. Aunty S’s room. Faint sounds of someone out in the street yelling ‘Kabari-wala’*, the Wall’s ice-cream van’s famous tune ringing out from near the neighbour’s home, and a donkey wailing out some rhythm and blues. Ye yeah.

Aunty S: WHAT THE FRIKKIN HELL** HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF?! ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPERSONATE A DOG?! TAKE THAT FRI-

Me: Aunty. Please. Orthodontist’s orders.

Aunty Shamshad: If you can’t take that DANG thing out, I’m going to cut it with scissors, don’t worry; stay right there, I’ll bring them!

Me: I put it in there myself.

Aunty S: *#&*@(#@II#))*:{{#(#!!!!! You haven’t had a proper meal for days… AND I MADE CHICKEN FOR YOU TODAY!

Me: My jaw needs to be fixed. These are strings that align them. It’ll only take four days more to adjust InshaAllah, and then I’ll eat everything you make. Chill out a bit.

Aunty S: You’ve been surviving on noodles this whole time! The orthodontist is wrong!

Me: You’re wrong.

Aunty S: But you’ll get cancer!

Me: No, AIDs.

Aunty S: Yeah, that too!

*(Umm, how do you say it in English? ‘Kabari-walas’ are people who ask for old, recyclable stuff, I think. Correct me on this one, fellow Pakistanis).

** (More like Pashtu’s equivalent of ‘frikkin hell’. She has studied English till about class 3, so she doesn’t exactly know much English).